Dear new mom…

Wow it’s been a while since my last post. Life happens and within that time let’s just say a lot of life happened to me. I’m glad you’re reading this and I’m happy to be back! So here we go…

Dear new mom,

I see you, talking to your babe like Tom Hanks talked to Wilson in Cast Away. You know your baby isn’t going to respond to you but you do it anyway. I know, I’ve been there. Well don’t worry, your baby will respond to you eventually and you’ll be wishing for these quiet days to return. You know those sleepless nights you’ve been having? A. Piece. Of. Cake. Enjoy your slice while you can. Although raising kids isn’t easy at any stage I thought I would enlighten you as to some things you might want to expect in the future.

You will forget stuff
Some people call this mommy brain or baby brain. Believe it. Whether scientific or not this is a reality. When I was pregnant with my first someone told me, “You never get those brain cells back.” Ten years later and I’m still waiting. Maybe it’s that we have SO MUCH to remember for everyone else that we forget — or maybe it is a loss of brain cells.

Either way, lists will be your friend from this day forward. Don’t lose your cool because if it’s that important you can just buy whatever it is you forgot to pack. Because you know there’s a lot to pack for that tiny bundle of joy.

You will lose your shit one day
I know. It sounds harsh but it happens. Seriously, we’re only human and our little, tiny humans can really get to us. How you lose your shit might be different from how someone else loses theirs but nevertheless it will happen. So be prepared. That baby who lovingly hangs on to your every word will be replaced by a little troll who wants things done his way – or no way at all at 5:55 pm. All while you’re trying to get out the door to your family dinner at 6:00 pm. You will feel bad. You will call yourself the worst mother in the world. But guess what? You can take that guilt and shove it. Yes, shove it deep, deep down because it will happen again. Maybe not today, tomorrow or next Thursday. But it will happen again. Trust me.

You and your partner will argue about the littlest things
Like who changes the poo diaper. Is it my turn or his turn? Who changed it last? I’m not talking about the sweet smelling breast milk poo’s. I’m talking the REAL stuff. Like your kid just ate chili and washed it down with a high fibre smoothie, poo. You get the idea. And you don’t want to change that diaper.

Going anywhere just got a little harder
Want to go grocery shopping? Pack the kid’s stuff. Buckle him in the car seat. Take him out of the car in the bucket seat. The bucket seat takes up the whole cart but you don’t want to throw raw chicken into your stroller’s basket. What to do? I just wait until I can go it alone, that’s what! Let’s face it, we can get a lot more done faster when we’re alone. It’s no joke when veteran moms say this is their alone time. There’s a method to the madness. And wait until he gets older and starts asking for stuff in every aisle. That’s even more fun.

Logistics. Having a baby in tow means you either have him in a stroller or sling. Strollers aren’t meant to go down escalators. I cringe every time I see a parent performing this feat. Especially when there are elevators just down the hall. Elevators. They are your friend. Use them. And if there are no elevators the sling is the way to go. Also, malls that have private rooms for moms are the best!

You will stop trying to be perfect
That perfect table setting for Thanksgiving? Who cares! That perfect matching outfit for picture day? Why bother! I used to work in a retail store where women (mostly) would spend hundreds of dollars on clothing just so their kids would look just perfect. The reality is that they will go to school and soil those perfect clothes and you will lose your shit. See how that works?

 

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